"Sunshine"

MosaicL aka "Sunshine"

I don't blog often anymore, but I feel moved this time of year. June is National Vitiligo Awareness Month. This past weekend we celebrated World Vitiligo Day. Next month, I will honor 13 years with vitiligo. This year of 2020 has been an unusual combination of challenges and beautiful awakenings while watching illness, fear, love, and strength divide us and bring us together.  We have all experienced some, if not each of these.  As I reflect on my journey with vitiligo, I took the time to ponder what is happening in the world and digest as much as I could. I dove deep beyond the sound bites and headlines into my life experiences as a black woman in America.

Sunshine 2010

The primary message of Mosaic Life Online directed particularly at women is to love yourself. Today the message goes beyond love to take care of yourself.  The first step is to allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, recognize it, and name the emotion if you can. The next step is to move beyond the emotion into action.  My action was starting Mosaic Life Online and helping others while I healed myself.  I later took some time off from the public. My barometer for my stress is my spots, but in  2010, the happiest time of my life, I was unconcerned about my spots (or so I thought).  I did my best to stay covered as much as I could. After my son was born I made a drastic life change in 2011 and my spotting began to reverse.

Mosaic then and now:
Vitiligo is a skin disorder that destroys melanin in the skin and produces white patches. Vitiligo is an autoimmune disorder thought of as a cosmetic condition. However, the strongest attack from this condition is psychological.

Sunshine 2020

I made the decision about a year into my vitiligo experience (2008), to take my white "blemishes" as my unique "beauty marks".  From this, my body became a "Mosaic" of multicolored and colorless shapes and sizes of art. For some time I was in a steady state of acceptance. My journey to getting to "loving my mosaic life" was a process. For Vitiligans, with the loss of our pigment, we typically experience some form, if not all five of the stages of grief.  Support groups and therapy are good tools for coping in those early stages.

My hands tell the story 2010-2020

World Vitiligo Day 2020

Whatever your flaw, recognize it, name it if you can, and then seek the support you need to understand what triggered it and how to conquer it.
"Beauty is way beyond skin deep."

Get into the action of loving yourself!

Today is the last day of National Vitiligo Awareness month and today's message is love thyself. At the onset of my relationship with Vitiligo, I gave myself 5 min a day to mourn the loss of my pigment.  At this stage in my journey, I have to give myself 5 min a day to celebrate me. I live to give, so it is important to refresh my psyche, so I have the energy to give.



Recall the slogan for this year's World Vitiligo Day (WVD) Conference "Healing starts with me". My message is it does not end with me. Get connected and lean on your network until you reach the celebration in your journey. Thank you to all the family, friends, and WVD organizations that support you wherever you are in your Vitiligo journey. WVD2019 hosted 300 participants this year, this is a great way to build your network.

No matter what your journey is, find your organizations, lean on your network and start connecting. Every small step makes a difference.

I honor World Vitiligo Day today, June 25th.  In 2019, I celebrate my Vitiligo.

WVD Conference 2008

I have come full circle. In 2008, I attended my very first World Vitiligo Conference. Being diagnosed about a year at that time, I was still in a haze and very much in hiding. I met Lee Thomas, who had written a book that detailed his journey with Vitiligo as an on-camera TV journalist. He gave me hope and direction.

It is often communicated that there are no medical complications related to Vitiligo other than the color loss. We disagree. Mental health is a medical condition and should be the first treatment path for those with Vitiligo. This will be the most important factor in success.

WVD Conference 2019

My Vitiligo journey has been one of healing.
Without that mental stability, my physical transformation would not be possible.

2009

2019

I serve with Mosaic Life Online.  Join me as we heal...Mind and body.

2019 World Vitiligo Day Conference - Houston "WELCOME"

A mosaic is a surface decoration made by inlaying small pieces of variously colored material to form art. I see my body this way, as a work of art consisting of variously colored, or in our (The Vitiligo Community) case, colorless spots. The many shades of us are beautiful!

It's the World Vitiligo Day Conference weekend. Welcome to Houston, WVD family!! Express, embrace, and honor the many patterns of our multicolored selves!!!

Vitiligo Body

My body is a work of art thanks to my beautiful varying shades of color and more importantly the lack of color that I wear as a result of Vitiligo. I started this blog to speak out/scream that Vitiligo is so much more than a cosmetic condition. Our culture is obsessed with physical appearance.  As a result, a condition that robs the skin of its color becomes a psychological tumor that slowly drains one of their self-confidence, if it is not addressed head on and killed at the source. The source is negativity, insecurity, and sadness, which encourages people to project their insecurities on others.  Positive-thinking, self-confidence and being happy in the midst of chaos is how to attack the source. I have struggled with the idea of shutting down Mosaic Life Online because somehow the negative projections were slowly getting into my psyche and I just felt exhausted.

I celebrated National Vitiligo Awareness day back in June 2016 in pictures. So many understood the body art, the message of being proud of my 40-something body and my “viti” spots. I received a back-handed compliment about my body. One of those “you look great, but…”comments.  Why did the hater’s comments stick in my head so much more than all the compliments I received?  I realized I was disappointed because that person did not feel sorry for me because of vitiligo.  That person only saw my size zero, yoga toned body in a bikini.  I thought what about the spots?  You win lady. You don’t have to live with vitiligo.   Because of this negative space, more months pass with no blogging.

Then came a mini-vacation in September and I felt exhilarated again. I am a woman over 40 with Vitiligo. I have trained my body over the years, so it’s nice and toned.  However, I usually stay covered because of the “vit”. Pictures from my vacation, this time, I am freeing myself of the cover-ups and showcasing my spots even when not on the beach. I am happy to be the face and body of Vitiligo and “new over 40 woman". This time I was concerned about being too sexy. Covering up my “Vit” or covering up my body on the beach. It is all too much and it is all about trying to make others feel comfortable with me.  We all, women in particular, have to learn to love ourselves regardless.

Empathy for others is a good start to learning to love ourselves.  Know that everyone has something. We all deal with body image issues, but most can hide it with spanks, or shooting the camera at a better angle.  It is okay to mourn the loss of your hair or your small figure. You can buy hair or workout, but there is no cure for Vitiligo.  There has been some success with some drugs.  I have seen much re-pigmentation (color returning) with no drugs over the years that I attribute to sun therapy, diet and exercise.  Sometimes with grief or illness, it is not about getting over it. It is about learning to live through it and enjoying life regardless.  A positive outlook on life is my greatest weapon.  I am also happy to educate anyone about Vitiligo.  

I learned that my issues with my body image have very little to do with my Vitiligo and more about not wanting to be too sexy.  I like to be buttoned up, so the focus is on my brain and not my body.  However, on a tropical vacation, that is a little difficult. No more apologies, but I will admit that I am looking forward to cover-up season, so everyone goes back to feeling comfortable …Mosaic is welcoming fall.